Openness

Openness is something that I’ve been thinking a lot about recently, especially just before, and even more so after having starting this blog.  As those of you who read “Who Am I?” know, I’m pulling no punches when I comes to being open and honest.  Some of what I wrote about, specifically the parts about my psychological and academic history, I rarely told to anyone.  Sure the academic bit is a little embarrassing and the part about my depression is a little personal, but why did I feel the need to gloss over part of who I am when, like it or not, it IS part of who I am?  I think I’ve arrived at a possible conclusion.

I come up with two reasons for why I wasn’t being completely open with everyone: 1) I was trying to maintain an idyllic mask of a perfect-but-flawed-where-I-want-you-to-think-I’m-flawed person to avoid genuine interaction and 2) I didn’t think anyone would rather listen to me go on about how I was barely able to get a “D” in a course because of depression related apathy when we could talk about the latest blockbuster or  what they wanted to talk about.

But I think these two reasons are not specific to me.  I think that in most cases, unless the memory is painful and the person would rather not face it themselves, the reason anyone isn’t open about who they are is because they don’t want you to know who they really are or they think you wouldn’t be interested, or would rather talk about something else.  Now let me tell you why I think those reasons are stupid. 

First, if you are always putting on a face for everyone to see, you will never be close to anyone.  I found that my closest friends were the ones I was the most open with.  I know you’re thinking “Of course you were closest to those people you shared the most with because you will only share certain things with those you are already close to.”  I submit that you have the cause and effect reversed.  I’m not saying that if you walk up to a complete stranger and tell them everything about yourself that you two would suddenly become soul mates.  But ask yourself “What if I started telling that one friend I’m not really too close to more about who I really am?”  Don’t you think that you two would begin to grow closer?

Second, if the person really is your friend, or is worth gaining as a friend, they would love to hear more about who you really are.  They won’t judge you.  They will love you.  In fact, they may have been thinking the same thing that you were and when you became more open they may feel more free to open up themselves.

 This second reason for not being open with someone can be seen in a less important but much more common situation, at least for me, of deciding where to go or where to eat, or in any discussion where an opinion is needed.  I used to always try to get the other person or people to give their opinion so we could do what they wanted to do and of course they would do the same to me.  I’ve decided that sitting around just waiting for someone to say what they really feel is ridiculous.  I want everyone to be honest with me so why shouldn’t I be honest with them?  Because of this, I’ve been making myself give my opinion whenever it is asked instead of refusing.  This has caused things to go my way more often but I hope that I will lead to others giving their opinions so we can start having real discussions about what to eat and where to go.

Am I saying that everyone should go around telling everyone their secrets?  No.  But I am saying that next time someone asks you how you are doing or where you want to go eat, just try being honest with them.  You may be surprised at how easy life becomes and at how often you can eat Chinese food in one week.

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